BDSM and the Real World

Hey kids, have a seat ‘cause this is going to take a minute.

I have a dilemma. I’m a writer, mostly in a technical and extremely nerdy field, but at the urging of my SO and a few friends I have embarked on an adventure into the world of gay (M/M) romantic fiction. I have a few things out for review with several publishers and I’m sure you will hear more about that eventually, but right now I need some advice.

I’ve started a new book and as you might guess from the title of this post, it’s a BDSM romance. I’m happy with my characters so far, I think I’ve got an interesting plot based on the question “What happens when it’s the Dom who’s broken?” If you’ve ever read any of the BDSM fiction already out there, you know the vast majority of it goes like this… Sad, broken sub is miraculously made whole again by the love of a benevolent and omnipotent Dom. My aim is to turn that trope on it’s head. But, that’s not the problem.

I’m having trouble writing the BDSM scenes. I’ve done hundreds if not thousands of hours of research, I’ve read dozens of books, both fiction and nonfiction. I’ve emailed people in the lifestyle with questions and I’ve watched some video, porn and otherwise. I’ve even observed a play party which didn’t help either as it felt like it was about the Doms peacocking for their friends rather than about the dynamics with their subs. I freely admit I may have made a poor choice of venue. I live in Maine, north of nowhere (my nearest neighbor is more than a mile away) one of the men I’d been emailing with questions invited me down to Boston to watch a private play party…I was grateful for the experience, but unimpressed.

I want my book to feel like it has some basis in the Real World. I don’t want to hear from people in the lifestyle that I am an idiot who wouldn’t know a whip from a paddle. And this is where I have a dilemma… I am a visual learner, I tend to need to watch something happen to understand it. No, before you ask, I have no real interest in experiencing either side of the spanking bench.Thank you.

Anyway, I haven’t found any video that seems to have any connection to the dynamics of BDSM described by people I know are respected teachers and practitioners… outside of the BDSM romances anyway. Does something more realistic or three dimensional exist? I know porn isn’t reality, it’s fantasy but I’d take a well crafted fantasy that is better that what I’ve found so far.

The BDSM video seems to be either instructional (how to wield a flogger and not flay your partner) or porn. The porn seems to come in two flavors… There’s S/m stuff where you get to watch some guy, largely off screen, torture some other guys nips and dangly bits then force him to orgasm. And then there’s the more D/s stuff that’s almost universally based on pretty extreme humiliation which according to my research isn’t really what BDSM is supposed to be about either. Yes, I understand that humiliation is some people’s kink, but it can’t be the sum total of all the Dom/sub interaction in the world. Right?

I am not independently wealthy, I can’t spend a small fortune on DVDs or websites that aren’t going to give me what I need, but I have a budget for stuff that might help.

So what do I need from y’all, you ask…

I need:

1) Hints on where I can find porn or video of actual scenes that is at least grounded in the reality of the BDSM lifestyle. Preferably M/M but I’m flexible … ;)

2) Titles of blogs or books that have first hand accounts of BDSM scenes that again are grounded in the real world. 98% of what I’ve found online reads like the author stole his entries from a bad Literotica story. Just so’s you know, If it’s on the GoodReads Gay BDSM list, I’ve probably read it.

3) If you’re a Dom or sub who’d be interested in alpha reading some BDSM scenes for me and giving me some feedback, let me know. Understand this will generally be rough drafts and sometimes just sketches if ideas for scenes. Beta readers who get to read a more polished manuscript will come much later in the process.

I am a hapless author sitting in my garret, generally happily tapping away on my laptop, but I am profoundly grateful for any and all help that comes my way. My minions are always generously rewarded for their efforts.

Thanks in advance, loves.

Jae

Now back to the pretty men… Look this one has a book, isn’t that cute?

Two-Cent Review: Bad Attitude by K.A. Mitchell

Grade:  C+

There is a lot to recommend about this book. The premise was interesting, the characters were engaging. I loved the moments of connection...  It's those moments, sort of like in Avatar, of "I see YOU" not the facade that made the book interesting for me.

Let me just say, there was too much sex and not enough plot.  I like reading about sex as much as the next girl, but really I would have liked to know more about these characters. I was left with too many questions and had to make too many intuitive leaps to be really satisfied.  Why does his family think Gavin is a disappointment? Is it just because he hasn't done anything with his life that they find valuable? What was Jamie's relationship with Colton? Why was Jamie so traumatized by his death beyond the obvious considering the book takes place more than ten years later?

The ending was a bit abrupt and felt like a Happy-for-now rather than a Happily-ever-after. Considering they couldn't get on the same page until the last few pages of the book... How were they going to weather the shit storm heading their way immediately after the end of the book? What will Gavin's family have to say about the relationship and how will Jamie cope with all the scrutiny in the media and at work? To me, the book ended 2/3 of the way through the story. 

If you liked the rest of the series, you will like this one just as much. Bad Attitude was a good and enjoyable read, but I was left wanting a little more.

I was thinking about the differences between the Florida series and the Baltimore series.  The Baltimore ones are darker in tone, the characters less forgiving, the secondary characters have less emotional impact on the main characters. The MCs begin the stories largely alone with few positive connections with other people... The Florida series is completely the opposite. It's like the warmer climate makes the people warmer and more connected.  Even if you just look at the book cover, the Florida ones are brighter, more colorful, warmer... The Baltimore ones are darker, nearly monochrome, and even the skin tones are cooler. Just my two-cents.

As always, I close with the eye candy...

(Source: Machodesungao)

Death by Plot Bunny and a Snipit from my new WIP

Alrighty... Since I finished Where I Belong, I've been floundering and it's been going on for months now. The beginning of WIB went like this... I was sitting in my office working on my real job when I'm Moving On by Rascal Flatts came on Pandora and for some reason I really listened to the song. Not in the singing along kind of way, but the deep hearing/feeling the message of the song way.  

With that my brain started to spin the lyrics around... 

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong... Stopped to fill up on my way out of town... Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road... I'm movin' on... 

What happened to this guy?  What happened to him down the road?  Did he ever find forgiveness?  From there, the character of Harper Ellison was born.

I'd never written anything longer than a short story in fiction... a couple one-act plays don't really count.  Technical manuals are different, I've written encyclopedias worth of that crap, but not fiction... not romance... Those things scared me... that was real writing... It wasn't just translating geek into human.  But I quickly had the opening of a gay romance, fully formed and perfect, in my head.  The words came organically.  It felt like a choose your own adventure.  I literally wrote all 100K (at it's most obese) in order beginning to end.  Some of it was hard and I got off track more than a few times but I never felt completely lost.

Once the self-imposed major re-writing was done, I had an idea for a shifter book which I got to about 10K words and then I couldn't feel it anymore, the spark was gone.  And then I saw a photo on Tumblr that created this amazing character I had to write about and after 15K words it was gone... Then came the BDSM book... Then came a second shifter book... And then... and then... and then... Every time I would just get to the meat of the story and get scared that it wasn't as good or as organic as WIB, which I thought half-way sucked most of the time.  At that point all the life would go out of it and the story would just flame out.

So the other day, another plot bunny gave it's life in the cause of my eternal frustration.  I was reading one of Sean Michael's Hammer series books (Push, I think) and I couldn't help but ask...  What would happen if it were the Dom who was broken?  What would a sub do to fix it?  And I was off to the races yet again.  Lucky for me, this time finally feels different... It's finding my answer to those questions that's driving me, not the characters or plot.

Here's a much loved paragraph from this new WIP with a working title of About Face.

Rob used all the control he had in him to not tremble when he heard the door to the dungeon close softly. Some of the anticipation was coming from his need to get out of his head after the conversation with his brother but more than that it came from his attraction to Siri. Jamie had described him as an old school leather guy, but that's not what Rob saw. Siri was the epitome of the modern leather top, coming of age long after the Stonewall riots and the advent of the gay rights movement such that his masculinity wasn't threatened by society's belief that gay men were all effeminate. For Siri, being a top wasn't a reaction to not wanting to be perceived as girly or gay, it was just who he was without pretense. Siri was what all of those old school tops wanted to be but couldn't because they could never get out from under a culture that reminded them at every turn that their sexuality made them less of a man. For Rob, Siri's absolute confidence in his masculinity and his sexuality was the hottest thing he'd ever encountered.  

So there it is... And to distract you from the abundance of authorly angst, just look at the pretty, pretty bear...

(Source:  I've lost the post-it with the source, let me know if you recognize it.)

TWO CENT REVIEW: The Last Day of Summer by JF Smith

Title: The Last Day of Summer 
Author: JF Smith

Grade:  A+

Review: I loved this book!  I should mention that I loved everything I've ever read by this author so no one should be surprised. I am going to try not to gush like a fan-girl, but I can't promise anything.

This is a sequel to Falling Off the Face of the Earth featuring Cory, Jerry & Carrie Ann's son and his new love interest Rhett. James (now Jimmy), Brick & Lindsey make appearances as well. 

Rhett is flawed and funny. He's faced a lot of hurt in his life from his family particularly his father but he also does an equal amount to himself. Cory is sweet, gentle and unjaded. There's just enough realism, humor and romance to make the book swoon worthy.  The exploration of what it means to be a man is central to Rhett's evolution throughout the book and is insightful; Rhett's revelations about his father at the end more than make up for the occasionally heavy handedness of the topic.

FYI: This isn't erotica.  There are sexy sexual situations and graphic language, but it does so without tab A, slot B descriptions of the actual acts. They are not missed at all.

I admit that the book isn't flawless.  There are some baseball things that aren't quite right particularly in how relief pitching works and the pitchers weren't portrayed as certifiably crazy which they are in real life for the most part.  It would have made more sense for Skunk to be a closer than an outfielder.

Val wasn't my favorite character.. She was outrageous alright, but she didn't have any of the softness underneath like Petey from Latakia or Jerry from Falling.  She was just out there. Her criticisms of Rhett's behavior never felt like they were coming from a loving friend.  She was more like an obnoxious know-it-all than that.

Also, I never really got why Jimmy offered Rhett the money even if he was trying to make a point.  If you haven't read Falling, you won't understand Jimmy's so protective of Cory but even so Jimmy's motivations are never fully explained here.

Overall, The Last Day of Summer is as amazing as I've come to expect from JF Smith. This one will go into my favorites folder and will be re-read.  That is pretty much the highest compliment I can give any book.

TWO CENT REVIEW: The Cost of Secrets by Cassandra Gold

Title: The Cost of Secrets

Author: Cassandra Gold

Grade:  B

Review: I really liked this book.  

Isaac and Dan are both flawed and only a little broken by the things they've overcome. Mostly they are survivors bumbling along trying to do the best they can. Neither of them were physically perfect either which I always appreciate, but I think the characters would disagree with me when describing one another.

My quibbles are minor...It's a bit too short for the major issues involved.  The story would have benefited from having a little more time for the romance to marinate.  I wonder if that's why the ending felt a little abrupt.  I think an epilogue would have helped me feel more confident that the ending was really a HEA. As written, I'm only 75% sure that's the case.

 Isaac's story is one that's been seen quite a bit and it getting to be almost cliche in the genre. But Dan's is one I hadn't seen before and would really have liked to have heard more about it.  I wonder if the book would have been even stronger if it had been written solely from Dan's POV instead of the head hopping, which was very well done by the way.

Overall, a good read. Well worth my time and money.

Angel eye candy... Something about this photo just seemed so wrong, which made it pretty close to perfect.

(Source: 24-Media)

REVIEW: All Bets Are Off by Marguerite Labbe

Title: All Bets Are Off
Series: Mountain Boys
Author: Marguerite Labbe

Grade:  B-

Review:  Overall this was an enjoyable read.  It's always nice to see characters suffering with the same Red Sox mania I live with everyday. The characters were great. The two main characters were funny and had distinct voices. The secondary characters were well done too, but a little generic for me.  I would have loved to have them more like real New England yankees (small y, Yankees big Y are evil and are not worth writing about).  I live in western Maine so it's something I am probably oversensitive to, but I felt nonetheless.

The plot was good. The secondary plot about the army buddy was especially good. The twist on the who-done-it was interesting if obvious.  I'm trying not to give any spoilers, but if you read the book you'll know what's coming before you actually read it. That's not bad; it's just not high drama, but I don't think it's supposed to be.  FWIW--The sex was well done too.

I close with the eye candy...

Red Sox Jason Veritek & Kevin Millar circa 2004
 (Source: DC Landing Strip)

Two Cent Reviews & Look! I made a header

After some discussion and perhaps a few cocktails with my peeps, I have decided to add reviews of some of the M/M Romances I seem to be constantly reading. These are going to be SHORT (two or three paragraphs) and WILL NOT include the blurb or a synopsis of the plot.  I will however provide the link to the Goodreads page for the book so you can find that stuff yourself.  If not having the blurb annoys you, let me know in the comments and I will add them if you insist. I have decided to use a grade system (ie A, B, C, D & F) to give my overall impression because it's simple, not cutsie, and people will easily understand it.  There are lots of review sites out there but I hope mine will be pithy enough that they don't sound like literary criticism but will tell what I liked or didn't like about the book.

My next post will be a review and this will all make perfect sense.

Lucky for me, I read A LOT and very fast.  I was one of those reading prodigies that had taught myself to read at three and was reading at a fourth grade level before I started school.  Words just made sense to me right from the beginning. I always felt I should put all that reading to some sort of use, so I'm gonna give reviewing a try.

Because it's my blog and I want you all to be happy...  Here's your eye candy...

(Source: Pics I Like)

In case you hadn't noticed... I made a new header and changed the look of my blog today.  This is better I think, but I value your opinions.

Book Inspired Eye Candy

Finished Moonstruck (Lucky Moon #3) by Piper Vaughn & MJ O'Shea today.  I was late getting to the party and read the whole series over the last month or so.  Great series. Moonstruck was my second favorite after The Luckiest (Lucky Moon #2). I suppose you can't go wrong with either of these authors who happen to be some of my favorites.

So... Here's some rock star eye candy...  Enjoy.

Writing a blurb is like torture only more painful

Having an inquisitive mind, I set out to do some research on writing blurbs... you know, those teaser paragraphs on the back cover of a book... What I learned sounds easy. Write a synopsis of the story that will make people want to buy your book.  More than that, you need to tease the prospective reader, seduce them, sell them on spending some of their hard earned money. You have to include enough detail to illustrate how your book is different from all of the millions of others available without giving away any spoilers and you only have just 200 words to get all that done.  No pressure.

Argh.

I spent the better part of Sunday writing and re-writing over and over again only to delete the whole thing and begin again.  I have written 10K words in less time than it took to write the following 211.  I still hate it, but that isn't a good measure for me.  I tend to hate everything I write until I get some distance from it.  I put chapters aside for few days before I can decide how I feel about them.  When I finished the book, I put it away for six weeks before I did my first major edit.  

Here's the blurb for Where I Belong...

At seventeen, Harper Ellison lost everything—the love of his life, his family, his friends and his community. Ten years later, Harper has built a new life for himself and while it's not perfect, he isn't looking to revisit what happened. When the sister  finds him and asks him to come home before it's too late, Harper is torn between protecting his heart and finally letting go of the past so he can find some peace.

Harper returns to his small North Carolina hometown to see if it's even possible to reconcile with the family who shunned him for being gay and the town that blamed him for a tragedy that wasn't his fault. In the process, he meets Lucas Rhodes and learns that home isn't necessarily a place and where you belong isn't always where you expect it to be.

How do you forgive the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally after they failed you in every conceivable way? How do you tell someone all of your secrets and trust them not to walk away?  One way or another, Harper is going to find out.  

Let me know what you think.  Does you want to know more about the book or is it the the cliche drivel I currently think it is?  

While you ponder, enjoy the eye candy...

(Source:  Lionelphotographe)