Hey kids, have a seat ‘cause this is going to take a minute.
I have a dilemma. I’m a writer, mostly in a technical and extremely nerdy field, but at the urging of my SO and a few friends I have embarked on an adventure into the world of gay (M/M) romantic fiction. I have a few things out for review with several publishers and I’m sure you will hear more about that eventually, but right now I need some advice.
I’ve started a new book and as you might guess from the title of this post, it’s a BDSM romance. I’m happy with my characters so far, I think I’ve got an interesting plot based on the question “What happens when it’s the Dom who’s broken?” If you’ve ever read any of the BDSM fiction already out there, you know the vast majority of it goes like this… Sad, broken sub is miraculously made whole again by the love of a benevolent and omnipotent Dom. My aim is to turn that trope on it’s head. But, that’s not the problem.
I’m having trouble writing the BDSM scenes. I’ve done hundreds if not thousands of hours of research, I’ve read dozens of books, both fiction and nonfiction. I’ve emailed people in the lifestyle with questions and I’ve watched some video, porn and otherwise. I’ve even observed a play party which didn’t help either as it felt like it was about the Doms peacocking for their friends rather than about the dynamics with their subs. I freely admit I may have made a poor choice of venue. I live in Maine, north of nowhere (my nearest neighbor is more than a mile away) one of the men I’d been emailing with questions invited me down to Boston to watch a private play party…I was grateful for the experience, but unimpressed.
I want my book to feel like it has some basis in the Real World. I don’t want to hear from people in the lifestyle that I am an idiot who wouldn’t know a whip from a paddle. And this is where I have a dilemma… I am a visual learner, I tend to need to watch something happen to understand it. No, before you ask, I have no real interest in experiencing either side of the spanking bench.Thank you.
Anyway, I haven’t found any video that seems to have any connection to the dynamics of BDSM described by people I know are respected teachers and practitioners… outside of the BDSM romances anyway. Does something more realistic or three dimensional exist? I know porn isn’t reality, it’s fantasy but I’d take a well crafted fantasy that is better that what I’ve found so far.
The BDSM video seems to be either instructional (how to wield a flogger and not flay your partner) or porn. The porn seems to come in two flavors… There’s S/m stuff where you get to watch some guy, largely off screen, torture some other guys nips and dangly bits then force him to orgasm. And then there’s the more D/s stuff that’s almost universally based on pretty extreme humiliation which according to my research isn’t really what BDSM is supposed to be about either. Yes, I understand that humiliation is some people’s kink, but it can’t be the sum total of all the Dom/sub interaction in the world. Right?
I am not independently wealthy, I can’t spend a small fortune on DVDs or websites that aren’t going to give me what I need, but I have a budget for stuff that might help.
So what do I need from y’all, you ask…
I need:
1) Hints on where I can find porn or video of actual scenes that is at least grounded in the reality of the BDSM lifestyle. Preferably M/M but I’m flexible … ;)
2) Titles of blogs or books that have first hand accounts of BDSM scenes that again are grounded in the real world. 98% of what I’ve found online reads like the author stole his entries from a bad Literotica story. Just so’s you know, If it’s on the GoodReads Gay BDSM list, I’ve probably read it.
3) If you’re a Dom or sub who’d be interested in alpha reading some BDSM scenes for me and giving me some feedback, let me know. Understand this will generally be rough drafts and sometimes just sketches if ideas for scenes. Beta readers who get to read a more polished manuscript will come much later in the process.
I am a hapless author sitting in my garret, generally happily tapping away on my laptop, but I am profoundly grateful for any and all help that comes my way. My minions are always generously rewarded for their efforts.
Thanks in advance, loves.
Jae
Now back to the pretty men… Look this one has a book, isn’t that cute?
